I'm ready for 2011

It's New Year's Eve and I generally don't make a big deal out of New Year's resolutions, but this year is different. Read my blog from a couple of weeks ago and you'll see why I'm ready to put 2010 behind me and ring in 2011!

I've given a lot of thought to what changes I want to make going into the new year. Like most of the rest of the world, I would love to lose weight BUT I'm making my resolutions a little more tangible for what I want to specifically focus on.

1. Fewer burgers & fries. You might think this should be easy to accomplish, but it really is easier said than done. I am in my car all day for work and have never liked packing a lunch to take in the car and generally go through a drive-thru somewhere in the area I'm working. It's hard to eat a salad when you're on the road and I don't generally care for fast food salads anyway so I'm going to have to be creative with this. Having 2 kids that keep us going in a million directions most evenings usually results in quite a few dinners out as well and the budget can't always handle a nice sit-down restaurant so this will also require some discipline.

2. Keeping a positive attitude. I have always had a tendency to look at the glass 1/2 empty when times are tough and I am determined to keep it 1/2 full in the coming year. As I reflected on the challenges of 2010, I was able to find joys and blessings that resulted in each trial and realized that I need to change my attitude to always focus on the positive. It will be tough to break a 35 year old habit, but I know I can do it with a conscious effort. I have SO much to be thankful for with a loving husband of 13 years who is a phenomenal father and is truly my soulmate, 2 fantastic children who make me feel like the luckiest mother in the world, a job that I absolutely love and gives me the balance that I need, and a faith that continually shows me He is watching over us.

3. Sensoring what I say and not being quite as open about myself. I have always been very open about myself and will almost always say whatever is on my mind. I've realized recently that others have occassionally used this for their own benefit and I've hurt myself by not sensoring who I share what information with. I also need to think before I speak more often. It's especially easy on social media formats these days for comments not to come across the way you intend and I need to think about the things I say (whether in person or online) to make sure they won't have a different meaning for the person hearing or reading my comment. I had a few instances this past year where I would have liked to take back or clarify some things that I said and am committed to watching this more closely in 2011.

4. Accepting that I can't please everyone and being ok with that. As a close friend pointed out recently, I am a people pleaser and it causes me so much pain and stress when I feel like I have let someone down. I had a situation recently where I mistakenly hurt someone (as a result of resolution #3 above) and no matter how much I tried to explain it was a misunderstanding, apologized for my wrong doing and asked for forgiveness...they just weren't having any of it. I cried, I lost sleep, I completely stressed out about it and then realized that I had done all that I could to make it right and that it is simply out of my hands now. Once I understand that, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I've worked closely with Ashley recently on how to handle situations that bring unwanted drama into her life. I've witnessed my amazing 11 year old daughter apologize for some wrongdoings on her part and extend an olive branch that was accepted by another young girl. If only we as adults could model this same behavior. I realized that was exactly what I had done, only my olive branch wasn't accepted and I needed to be ok with that. It's in God's hands and He knows whether or not that lost relationship was one that would be positive or negative in my life and I'm ok with that.

5. Strengthening relationships. This is the resolution that I am most excited about for 2011. Over the past year, I have had to end some relationships that were hurting myself and my family while watching other relationships flourish that bring a great deal of joy to my life. I've always had a difficult family dynamic and am eternally grateful for those who show me true love and acceptance despite my faults and misgivings. Living in CO keeps us a great distance away from those that we love and the kids haven't been able to develop the strong family ties that I would like them to. Over the past 5-6 years, my sister and I have become closer and closer and I cherish the almost daily phone calls and rare visits that we get to share. She is absolutely one of my best friends in the world and I am blessed to call her MY sister! I want to continue developing relationships like this with Mike's family, my extended family and my cherished "adopted" family. Facebook has been a true blessing in helping to strengthen bonds and develop discussions that probably wouldn't have happened otherwise due to the distance between all of us.

I know it's quite a list for someone who usually doesn't even make New Year's resolutions, but a great deal of thought was put into exactly what is most important to me as we enter 2011. I wish each of you joy, health and happiness in the New Year and welcome each of you to hold me accountable to all of my resolutions!

My sweet Bella

Bella getting a little back/booty scratch from Ashley

Modeling her Christmas t-shirt this year

My favorite pic of our sweet Princess!

One year ago today, I picked up our sweet baby Bella. She's a Schnoodle...schnauzer/poodle mix. Having never grown up with a pet, much less a dog, I was somewhat terrified of what our life could be in store for with a new puppy but was excited nonetheless. We all fell in love with her immediately (I had to hide her for 2 days with friends before presenting her to the kids on Christmas Eve) and it didn't take long at all for her to become a member of the family! Over the past year, we have been blessed by her unconditional love and we all simply melt everytime we see her.

Now, I know that I could be slightly biased, but who wouldn't absolutely LOVE a puppy who was completely potty trained after 2 weeks, sleeps in her crate without complaint every night, goes into it eagerly when we need to leave her at home alone, has never had an accident in her crate and can even go a full 12 hrs overnight without accident, doesn't chew on anything but her toys, and never barks...seriously!

She makes us laugh on a daily basis with what I call her Schnoodle Shuffle as she races around and around, slipping and sliding on the hardwood floors. She looks like a little rabbit as she hops and pounces when we play fetch and can fly through the air like you wouldn't believe! She can't eat her food without having to burp immediately afterwards (very un-ladylike), but also has to test the rain or snow with a paw before going in with all four paws because she really IS very ladylike. She turns into a Bella Belt anytime her Daddy is home and she refuses to be anywhere but on his lap. When Daddy's not home and it's her and Mommy, she's the best nap partner and snuggle bug ever! One of our favorite things about Bella is to watch her dart straight home (to her crate) the second the tv is turned off at night no matter what she's in the middle of doing. She does the same thing every morning when she sees us getting our coats on with keys in hand ready for school and work.

We know that one day we will be without our sweet Bella and the thought makes us all so very sad, but she's only a year old now and we are enjoying every minute with her that we have! I always thought about how wonderful it would be to have a dog for the kids, but I never truly grasped what a pull they would have on my heart as well. I think Bella has as many Christmas gifts as the kids do this year and I really think I'm just as excited about her first real Christmas with us as I am about anything else!

Holiday Blessings

It's been a little difficult to get into the Christmas Spirit as much as I would like lately given the fact that CO has been warmer than FL and all I want for Christmas is...snow! One of the things I love about our beautiful state is that I can usually count on it to give me the right weather to help my holiday mood, but not this year. We were told a couple of days ago that we might get a little but alas, the ground was bare when I woke up the next morning. I was THRILLED to wake up this morning and see a beautiful cover of white on the ground! Not too much, not too little and it sparkled like diamonds. It was just what I needed as I enjoyed wrapping up my last day of work before the 2 week holiday break and finally getting started on wrapping some presents to go under the treet. The highlight of the day that I think would have given me the Christmas Spirit that I've been longing for no matter the temperature outside or covering of white, was visiting Ashley & Robbie's classroom parties at the end of the day. Who can't get in the holiday mood when you see all of those kids running around with excitement and anticipation for Christmas Break and the excitement of the holidays?!

I've also been doing a little reflecting on the past year as I look forward to a fresh start in 2011. It's been a tough year for the Berry's while we struggled to get Mike's new job(s) financially stable after 2 layoffs, me going through several pay cuts that led to leaving that job and the legal issues I continue to deal with because of that decision, and a car accident that totaled my car and left me with whiplash, a concussion and additional emotional & financial stress. There was also a very unexpected death in my family that was a heartbreaking loss to deal with, as well as the decision I made to end an unhealthy releationship in my life that I'm still learning to deal with.

But do you know what? As much as I have said recently that I can't wait for a fresh start in the New Year, I have realized lately how truly blessed we have been in 2010 and how much I have to thank God for. Mike's job has finally brought some financial stability back into our life while still allowing him to be home-based and have some degree of control over his schedule to help with the kids activities. I ended up in a job that I love with a company that I think very highly of and look forward to representing everyday. I now get to be home-based as well, working in the school environment each day just like I choose to do in my personal life. Instead of begging for time off during holiday breaks or summer vacations, I'm now expected to work from home and can be here with the kids! While the car accident did have a negative impact, there was also tremendous blessing in the fact that no one else was hurt. Being rear-ended with the kids in the backseat, as well as being pushed into the middle of an intersection, could have had devastating results but God was watching over our family that night and kept us all safe. I have said many times that I would take any injury needed from the accident as long as my family was kept safe. The very unexpected loss of my Step-Aunt Karen at the very young age of 48 was devastating to everyone who loved her. Even with her loss, we were still able to find blessings in seeing and hearing what a profound impact she made on the lives of everyone she came in contact with, as well as the witness she was to so many with her faith in God. I was able to spend precious time with my sister and brother-in-law when I traveled to OH for her service and had the opportunity to reconnect with those that I have loved and looked up to as true family for the past 30 years. The day after I returned home and was sitting in church, the sermon was almost verbatim in sharing some of the same stories from the Bible that had been shared at Karen's service that had meant so much to her and it was as if she was sitting right there beside me. We now have a new Angel in heaven watching over all who loved her. I've always been told that if someone doesn't add to your life and only brings you down, than it is best to end that relationship. I had to do that this past year and in the midst of the emotional turmoil that came along with that decision, there was also a huge sense of relief and control that I had been missing for years.

My amazing husband of 13 years, along with my beautiful 11 year old daughter and (almost) 9 year old son are the reason I keep pushing through life's difficulties and they are why I am able to find joy even in the midst of turmoil. To have the love of my soulmate, and to see the joy and love in my children's eyes everyday puts a smile on my face, a calmness in my heart and a warmth in my soul that nothing can ever take away. Looking at the big picture, we have much more than many others do financially, physically and emotionally and I want to thank God for watching over us and blessing us throughout the year, as well as the many family and friends who offered prayers and support throughout the year. Our life is enriched by so many who bring happiness and joy to our life and I can't wait to see what memories will be made in 2011!

Robbie's 9th birthday party

My baby boy turns 9 on December 27th. How in the world did he get so big so soon? My poor little guy always has it a little rough with a birthday just 2 days after Christmas. Last year he didn't have a party and the year before only 1 kid showed up so he was due for a nice big one. We decided on a party at the house so that he could invite as many kids as he wanted without having to worry about budgeting. There were 9 boys who came and everyone seemed to have a great time. Mike was a lifesaver and kept everyone entertained and busy with a Wii marathon consisting of 3 events with 3 teams...I love my husband! While he kept the boys busy, I was able to keep things going in the kitchen and picking up as the day went along so when everyone left the clean up was done too. Seeing the smile on my baby boy's face all afternoon made all of the stress of hosting a party totally worth it!

Need some advice...

I am honestly asking for advice from my fellow bloggers. How do you keep yourself from saying or revealing too much in your blog? I want this to be a creative outlet where I can open up and share, express my feelings and occassionally vent a little bit. I am finding lately that my inability to shut my mouth at times is putting me in situations that I would prefer to avoid. I have always considered myself an open book who will share just about anything in my life, as well as speaking my mind at times when I should really just learn to keep my thoughts to myself, or perhaps saying something where in my mind I mean no harm but it doesn't come across quite that way.

Ideas? Suggestions? How do you stay true to you and share your thoughts and feelings while also knowing when to pull the plug on something that might not be taken quite the way you intended?

Thanks to those who put up with my big mouth and accept me, faults and all. This year I actually know what my New Year's Resolution is going to be before January 1st!

Mama Bear

I'm going to have one of those Mama Bear experiences tomorrow that I really wish I didn't have to deal with. There are a couple of girls in 5th grade with Ashley that simply don't like her for whatever reason and have been causing a LOT of drama and in turn blaming it all on Ashley and making up stories. Ashley got in trouble with the Principal because of it and now I have a meeting with the two 5th grade teachers, the Principal and the school Psychologist tomorrow. What it really boils down to are girls who are really bullying MY daughter but as a group, telling the staff that Ashley is causing it. When you think about it, how is any child safe in a bullying situation if someone simply believes one thing because a larger group of students are saying it's so, rather than believing the one child who is left to fend for themselves? My Mama Bear will come out strong tomorrow to defend my child and ask why I am the only parent being brought in for this meeting instead of the school staff getting all of the girls together and talking through the situation instead of bringing them all in individually where they don't have to face the person they are making up stories about. After all, they ARE all 5th grade girls...need I say more?

Let's try this again!

So obviously I failed miserably when I tried to start this 3 years ago, but I think I'm finally inspired to give it a good effort. All of the "Why Me" experiences that I've gone through the past year led someone to suggest I start blogging as a creative way to share my experiences and feelings, not to mention it's a great way to share all of the wonderful and crazy things that my kids do!

I'm excited to finally start following so many of my friends who have been blogging for awhile now and see how many followers I can get for myself too. Be patient with me while I figure all of this out and don't be shy about sharing your suggestions.